Iranians

I intended to send a post about the EMU here but I came across this writing about "Iranians and their characteristics" and I thought it might be interesting for you to see how we make fun of ourselves back home. (However, after reading it twice I realised that it is not that funny.) I would say most of Iranians won't be happy to make fun of their country but that attitude is bullcrap anyway!
I have added some things (mostly as explanations of things you might not be acquainted with) and I've put them in brackets..
Tell me later how you liked it (or disliked it!)
This is a translation of an article in an Iranian web-based newspaper.
Here we go..
Iranians
- A bunch of middle-easterns [who think] that they know everything in the world and are the wisest; They are the CEOs of NASA and Google [we do claim that every successful person is Iranian!] They have the oldest history ever, they are pissed-off of their current situation and the situation is supposed to be fixed in few months. [It is supposed to be in few months since I was 5!]
- National characteristics:
We are aware of what happened 3000 years ago but we don't know what is happening at the moment throughout the world.
The world belonged to us some time before but those bastards took it away!; otherwise we would have controlled it the way we are controlling Iran now! [so lucky Iranians don't own the world].
Truth is a good thing but let's talk about it in 10 centuries, not now.
It would be awesome if there was a hero who solves our problems and dies immediately.
- Sayings and expressions:
"We would sacrifice ourselves for our country but we have to go to a trip now, maybe later."
"If it were not because of us, Canadians would have been dead by now! [We say that everywhere else is using our! wisdom to succeed!]"
".. He is such an honest guy, that's what I like about him. Even if he screws the entire country, he does it honestly"
".. we hope that there is a government which is not like western governments, not like Shah [The last king of Iran] either, not like these current guys as well, not like past too, also not a corrupt one..." [So? what then?]
"Let's slaughter this arrogant guy"
"Art is an Iranian-made object"[Believe it or not, we really claim everything!]
"We don't want to own the hotel when we can buy the owner of it"
- How Iranians address their government:
"These fellas", "Those arseholes", "1000 families" [indicating that they all are somehow linked], "These motherfuckers", "Bosses", "British"[yeah, it's true!], "Gentlemen"
- Iranians are experts in these:
We lose one fifth of the country each century.
Instead of maintaining our house regularly, we renovate it every 12 years.
Each decade, 1 million Iranians migrate to other countries and don't go back.
Every 5 years, we either kill, sue, damage the reputation, or at least smash 10 of our politicians.
Once a year, we invent things that are already invented.
We decide to change our fate every month but we never do it.
We intend to dramatically change ourselves once a day.

...
*Pictures of Tehran are taken from Tehran-24.com and Babak Farrokhi's website.

Ancient Greece

It’s a public holiday, it’s around 1 o’clock in the afternoon, last two nights were two of my friends’ birthdays, and therefore I am hung-over; big time…
Doug says I am used to Aussie culture too much (or something like that) but I think I am practicing the Aussie lifestyle too much; I don’t think 2 months is enough to get used to anything (apart from a girlfriend’s nags)
Anyway, last week was quite shit! My first personal reason was that I couldn’t find a job. I believe (or reckon in OZ) that all the places in the CBD have my resume and CV and almost all of them have told me that they would call me later.
Secondly, I have to say I still don’t know what the heck I have to do regarding my assignments, bookings, attendance and stuff like that. I missed an assignment, and I was going to miss the second one as well. EMU’s email doesn’t work properly, and I receive emails sent to some other people! (Damn, it’s all just complaining)
Apparently, - as they say in England – the ices are breaking (?) in our class and people are actually talking, and for sure, bitching behind each others’ back!! (Don’t take it personally or serious or anything)
Bradley asked me on Wednesday March 7^th (to be kept in history!) about my opinions on America and Americans. As an Iranian, I do not have any slight single particular problem with either America or Americans, as well as any other individual person living on this planet! (the most delicate explanation possible!)
Just to tell you briefly of how I think, I would say:
- Although I do have lots of political opinions, I strongly believe that politics is a very dirty game, I don’t want to be involved but I would like to hear others’ opinions for sure.
- I have this acquaintance who is an American Republican. He is the nicest guy ever unless he talks about his political opinions. He is a total dickhead supporting George Bush and the war in Iraq and shit like that.. My point is that at least I have to pretend that I am civilised and tolerant!
- My very first aim at the moment is to make money to survive! Thus I don’t give a crap about any sort of tension around and I do my best to chill-out as much as possible.
- Having said all of these, I beg every single person NOT to pre-judge me because of “what a typical Iranian should think or look like..” thing.
- Television SUCKS. (It’s not really relevant but I needed to say it somewhere)
And this discussion would continue (most probably with Darren) later..

After a very tiring class on Thursday, all of us (EMU 1st year individuals!) got together in the backstage cafe hoping to have a nice time and stuff. I think it was me as well as Laura and Amy who were eating and suddenly and without any particular reason a subject of vomit! became the heading of the conversation. I would appreciate the fact that people intend to share their personal experiences with me/us but I kind of think it would not be the best idea to talk about this particular one in lunch time! Besides, this has happened to everyone. I think there is nothing special to it. Anyway, I ended up giving up eating and watching the interesting! conversation which lots of people seemed to be annoyed of it. But overall, I think we would have brilliant memories of Ben and it would make history. I hope there is no more puke history, though..

In a history class of ours, the lecturer (A pretty excited person, too passionate for a normal one) said that in ancient Greece, they had a strong link between music and philosophy; musicians were philosophers and vice versa.. check this:

Date: 370 B.C (when history was going backwards in terms of numbers!)
Place: Parthenon, Athens, Greece.
There is a fella who is so keen to learn music and there is a musician/philosopher as his mentor!
Fella: Hello, professor, do you have any idea of how I can survive in this field of music?
Musician: One has to realise the essence of universe. Thou shall fuck around not.
Fella: I won’t, but I don’t want any essence, I want to learn music.
Musician: Having belief in the spirit of Gods travelling from evil Persian Empire to the end of the world, it would be the time of music, for without that, there would be four substances of devil in you.
F: Dude, you don’t make sense, screw the Persian Empire. Am I going to learn music or not?
M: Learn the basics my son, figure out the materials making the heaven and the earth, use them, grow up, and plan the next incidents of your life.
F: I am not your son, my mom got pregnant when someone attacked Athens. Anyway, this is not the point. Can you give me some written material from which I can eventually learn music?
M: Thou should know of the elements of existence: Air, Water, Fire and Earth. Subscribe to the Athenian (the old Greek version of Australian newspaper) and gain some information. Escalate your knowledge and by the power of Zeus you will be me. I dub thee enthusiastic then.
F: Who the hell wants to be you? I think I better go start smoking κάνναβις (weed). I think it would get me to where I want quicker.
M: Ey, relax, do you have some? I am desperate..
..and this conversation goes on. Unfortunately, the ministry of censorship in the Vatican church hired a bunch of termites to eat the rest of the evidence on this discussion. In 1830 they said they were sorry and they promise it would not happen again.

We had a conversation including me, Bradley, Freddie and Nathan. There is an opinion of forming a weird band! By weird I mean a sort of fusion music. I am middle-eastern and I have my own background which is totally different to what is happening here musically, Bradley is an aboriginal of Australia. He definitely has loads of interesting ideas to put in the music, and these go for Freddie and Nathan as well, so, it could possibly sound nice as well as new. However, my former experiences would say that this would remain an idea for the next 25 years. But still, whoever wants to go for a mixture of exotic, ethnic, electronic, funky music, contact me or say it loudly and proudly in the EMU in front of us.
Again this post is too long, and I still am hung-over. I just put a picture here which I think is interesting. If you find it not interesting, solve your problem.